Building up your partner

Tips for a better relationship

Many couples complain about the lack of intimacy. As physical intimacy starts with emotional intimacy, we’ve got some tips for you on how to make your partner feel good about themselves and about you.

  1. Use Kind words

It all starts with the kind of things you say to each other. “You’re an idiot” when you are both laughing at something, and when it goes along with a touch or a hug and it makes you both feel good. “You’re in an idiot” hurts when someone has tried their best, but inadvertently made a mistake.

  1. Soft tones

It isn’t always what you say, it is in how you say it. Your partner knows you well enough to get what you mean when you say it. It is all in the tone. There is no space for sarcasm in a relationship.

Make an effort to guard your tongue. Pick your words and tone of voice carefully. Perhaps pause before you respond. Think about what you want to say, and don’t take out your bad day on the person you love.

  1. Compliments

Compliment your partner on things they do, how they look, how they handle or manage things. Find reasons to compliment them. Find something good in everything.  Make sure your compliments are honest and truthful. Compliment your partner to his or her face, and compliment them in front of, and to others.  

  1. Help

Often your partner needs help, but will not ask. Offer assistance: when it seems they are struggling, when they are alone for too long, when they least expect it or might not even need it. Only offer when you really intend to assist - not as a mere courtesy. If your offer is declined, you can hang around and make conversation for a couple of minutes (Don’t criticise or comment on what they are busy with), and then move on. They will realise that you really wanted to/had time to spend, and that your offer was sincere, and perhaps welcome assistance the next time around.

  1. Look good

Don’t dress or look like a slob at any time, in public or around the house or around your partner. Even when you are both at home and relaxing, you should not wear dirty, grimy, holy, smelly, ugly, ancient clothes. Yes, I know those pants are your most comfortable, but it remains unappealing and is an embarrassment when you get unexpected visitors. Surely there are other, equally comfortable clothes in your cupboard you can wear. We all know that you should be presentable in public – there should never be an occasion where you embarrass your partner – not by your dress or behaviour - ever!  

  1. Greet and treat

Every time you have not seen your partner for a couple of hours, greet them like you missed them, love them and are really happy to see them. Make them feel like they are important in your life, and that it is a special treat for you to see them. Coming home to you must be a treat for them too. Do this for a week and see the effect it has on your relationship and on the way you view each other…

  1. Touch

Touch to encourage, to comfort, to share, to make contact, just to be there. Make sure you touch often and that you always touch gently. Don’t grope, grab, pinch or punch. Fondle, caress, stroke – easy does it.

All of the above are null and void if you don’t mean it. It has to happen spontaneously, honestly and truthfully. This means you may have to work at it to get into the habit and to get it right. Your relationship is worth a bit of effort.