Not in the mood…!

Samen banner

Often, the biggest complaint from married couples is that they are not “in the mood” for sex. Couples who are having affairs on the other hand, are continuously in the mood! Hopefully, at one stage, probably at the beginning of your relationship with your partner or wife, the two of you were constantly in the mood too. What went wrong? Why are you not in the mood anymore, or often enough? Let me not bore you with the things you already know. Such as the fact that life gets in the way. That you are stressed. You have a beer belly and just don’t feel sexy. Your wife has stretch marks and wears slippers when she gets home. Her make up is all gone at the end of the day and she is running around getting supper and sorting out who-knows-what-with-the-kids-or-whomever. She’s just not that sexy looking herself, and in fact, you’re actually a bit relieved that she will probably also not be in the mood tonight either. Perhaps it’s boredom, or the fact that work and life just make too many demands on us lately…perhaps it’s the familiarity and the fact that you and the old partner have done the same things all too often. Let’s be honest though. Once you do start, it’s actually fun, and always rather nice. Afterwards, you’re always glad you ‘did it’, even if it took all of ten minutes. Uncle Stan (much older than me) has a wife who is much younger than me. He tells me that she keeps him young. He also mentions that the sex is much better now that he is older. It’s not about his gratification anymore, it’s about the act itself, the pleasure it brings for his partner. She blossoms under his hands, he says, and the knowledge that it is him that makes her look so satisfied and his skill that provides her so much pleasure, makes him look forward to intercourse much more regularly than when he was younger. I realise that Stan is right. If you do for the other’s pleasure, it also becomes your own. It starts with an attitude of giving. If you approach your partner, no matter how tired either of you may be, with the attitude of “I want to give you something” your partner will respond with a receptive mind and affection. If the approach is to give, and not to get, there will be pleasure in it for both, whether you are sexually satisfied or not. Hopefully, you and your partner can discuss this approach (in a neutral space and time, and preferably not in the bedroom), and you can reciprocate. It is important that you take turns to be the giver and to be the receiver else the receiver becomes the user. There is nothing wrong with occasionally being spoiled and ‘having all the fun’, by mutual agreement, with one partner taking control, taking their time to please their partner, and their partner only. In all honesty, I think it is quite difficult to be pleased and pampered and to not want to reciprocate or join in the giving! It starts in the mind, so if your attitude is right, your body will respond. Sometimes when your partner is in the mood, and you are not, your body responds when they know which ‘buttons’ to push. How often have you not been in the mood, but once you decide to give it a go, or to let your partner go ahead and play, have you not changed your mind (or had it changed for you)? Subconsciously, your body reacts without your permission, and very soon, the endorphins are flooding your brain, and BOOM, you’re in the mood. Afterwards, you feel better, you sleep better, and your relationship is better. Come on, in the spirit of giving, give it a try! "Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing." (Charles Bukowski)