To trust and love - or not to…

Finding love hurts

Love has left a lot of people feeling hurt. For some of those who have dared to dream, to trust and to love it has ended up in break-ups, divorce, a mess, a disillusion and feelings of hurt and sadness. Sometimes even repetitively.

There are some humans that do not wish to be alone. The desire and wish to belong, to have someone and to share our lives with another individual is stronger for some than for others, but the need exists in all of us. We are all in awe (and a bit jealous) of couples who have been together for 25 years or longer, and we are dumbstruck when couples have made it past the 50-year anniversary mark.

In our world where getting a divorce is as quick and easy (albeit expensive) and where getting hurt, left or being cheated on is ‘normal’, too many are giving up the fight. Some might still be willing to give relationships a try, but the thought of marriage is not considered.

With all the relationships around us ending badly (you must know of at least three horror stories if you didn’t live one yourself) we often ask ourselves whether we should risk it all again or not. Some people don’t even try. They fill their lives with friends, family, activities and hobbies. While others step out into the daring, dangerous world of dating.

With either of the options, some people are lucky enough to meet someone special, but they must make that difficult choices again. Should they risk and abandon all for the sake of this new love and give it an opportunity to blossom and grow? Or should they know that this new love could hurt us again in no time at all?

Should one trust, give all, hope for the best, forget the past, move on, and give the other a new slate to start writing on? OR should one learn the lesson, be on the look-out, read the signs, see the dangers, listen to your friends when they say something is off, be sceptical, cynical, realistic and practical…?

I have friends who have been badly hurt several times, yet they still seem willing to give love a chance. Others have been hurt, perhaps just once, and they just don’t want to take a relationship risk again.

One can never tell whether a relationship is going to be a success or not. Each relationship is different, as we all know. Some people marry young, and people say they are mismatched and that it will never last, and then all are surprised by the fact that it does. Other couples are branded as ‘made for each other, the perfect match’ – and then it doesn’t last. It seems one can never know for sure.

Every situation, every couple and every relationship is different. The only one truth is that each and every relationship is a risk. You never know if you, your partner, someone else or life (or death) will get in the way of your relationship.

A friend of mine who was badly hurt met someone special and after a few short months resigned her job of ten years, packed up and rented out her house. She moved almost two thousand kilometres away to give this new love a chance.  My alarm bells were ringing and when I reminded her of the dangers, her simple response was: “If I don’t give it one hundred percent a chance, my all, it is bound to fail”.

Seems she has learnt that even if it hurts or ends in disaster, it will all be worth it in the instance that it does work out. Nobody can make or keep you from taking the leap into love, and as for taking the risks – only you can decide for yourself.